Close to You
by Dreycy-chan
Summary: Kenshin is Kaoru’s best friend, but she loves him more than that. Some things just have to happen and there is no going back…


**A/N: First I must tell you I'm not exactly proud on this story. It's all sappy and cliché and overused… I tend to be more original. I just had to write this one, it kept on bugging my mind and it would be a waste of beta's time not to publish it. Thank you, WhiteRabbit5, for betaing it!This story also has a bit of my opinion on life, only it's really hidden and you must look, …err read, harder. **

Summary: Kenshin is Kaoru's best friend, but she loves him more than that. Some things just have to happen and there is no going back…

Disclaimer: I do not own Rurouni Kenshin or the song (They Long to Be) Close to You.

* * *

**Close To You**

Based on (They Long to Be) Close to You by Carpenters

_flashback _

thoughts

* * *

_Kaoru 'Hey, is this your bracelet?'_

'_Huh? Yeah, it is! Thank you so much! It's my favorite…'_

'_No problem, really.'_

'_I'm Kaoru.'_

'_Kenshin. Himura Kenshin.'_

I don't know why I'm thinking about you right now. Maybe it's because we met on this day, exactly twenty years ago. Yeah, that would be it. Girl meets boy and boy meets girl. That's how it started. And then everything gets more and more complicated. I wonder if we wouldn't meet on that warm summer day, maybe I wouldn't be here, broken. I don't want to call it destiny. People blame it for way too many things.

I still have that bracelet, though. Except for one, which was lost on a Halloween night, it still has all of that colorful plastic pearls.

_'Hush, don't cry, Kaoru. I'll help you find the pearls.'_

_'You will? But look, they're all scattered on the floor…'_

_'Don't worry. I already have most of them!' _

_'I don't know what would I do without you, Kenshin.'_

It was a gift from my cousin Misao. I think she gave it to me for my fourth birthday, or was it fifth? You see, I have forgotten. Because all that my bracelet reminds me of now is you…

Why did we become best friends? I don't know. Except for kendo we didn't share any of interests. You liked algebra while my favorite was poetry. While you enjoyed listening to the old Johnson, our chemistry teacher, I slept trough most of them. So why were we best friends? Maybe we just clicked. You know the way people click. The way you and her clicked, just a bit different.

'_Are you sure you want to spend the break with me? There are so many girls after you. I bet they would love to have lunch with you.'_

'_I don't care about them. You are my best friend, Kaoru.'_

During our schooling time you were always popular. Girls were following you in large crowds around the school, melting at your every smile… and you were hanging around with me. The girls even established a fan club. 'We love Kenshin' was its name. Really, could they be any less original? Because of your popularity even I was always followed around. There were girls glaring at me and continuously asking me if you and I were dating. After my negative answer their faces lit up and they were asking me random questions about you. Gods, I hated them.

_'Do you think he would be interested in me?' _

_'What about me, Kaoru? Would he go out with me?'_

_'I don't know, you'll have to ask him yourself.'_

_'And you say you are his best friend! Don't you know everything about him?'_

But you never went out with any of them. Neither did you have any other friends. You and I, we always did everything together. It was always just you and I.

All the things we did together… do you remember the tree house we built? We did it all by ourselves, a quite big accomplishment for a ten-year old.

'_Look at the stars! They are so bright tonight.'_

'_Yeah, they are.'_

'_Kenshin, you didn't even look!'_

'_I'm looking now…'_

'_Whatever. I wonder why are they so bright?'_

'_I don't know. Maybe it means the weather will be nice tomorrow.'_

'_That would be great! We could go swimming and then we could go at the park!'_

We went there every evening. Sometimes we even stayed at night. It was such a feeling of freedom. No rules, no restrictions, just the wide unending sky full of stars and the two of us.

I still don't know why my parents let me spend so much time with you. I think I was more with you than with my family! I guess they really trusted you.

What about the time we got in trouble with the principal? Do you remember it?

_'Kaoru, are you sure this is a good idea? What if they catch us?'_

'_They won't. Don't be a coward now!'_

'_Ok, just do it quickly.'_

'_Almost done…'_

'_I hear someone coming!'_

'_Ops…'_

'_Oh, no…'_

We got a two-week detention. But it didn't really matter to me. Anywhere we were we had fun, even if we were just talking about nonsense.

You know how women were supposed to be better in cooking as men? Well, it isn't true, or at least not with us. While you had a great talent for cooking I was a disaster in kitchen.

_'Here, try it!' _

_'…'_

'_Well?'_

'_Kaoru, what exactly is this?'_

'_Isn't it obvious? It's a fried egg!'_

'_Are you sure? It's a bit, umm, black.'_

'_Just try it already!'_

'_Ahem, it does have a really special taste…'_

'_What do you mean?'_

'_It's, umm, delicious. Yeah, that's what I meant.'_

'_Then you should just say it right away!'_

Why I can't get right even an egg it remains a mystery to me. I do everything just as it's written, I really do! Stupid eggs, it's their fault.

Do you still have those terrible nightmares because of your father's death? You never talked much about it but I got a few things out of you. You told me that your father died in a car accident. He was coming to pick you up at the kindergarten and it was raining heavily. I remember that day even though I was only six and I didn't know what happened. But after seeing you so sad I asked my mother about it.

'_Mom, why is Kenshin sad?'_

'_He misses his dad. Wouldn't you miss your father if he would be away?'_

'_But why is Kenshin's dad away? When is he coming back?'_

'_He won't come back, honey.'_

'_But why won't he? Doesn't he like Kenshin?'_

'_Of course he loved him. He won't be coming back because he is in heaven now.'_

You were depressed because of that for a long time. I guess you thought it was your fault he is dead. He was picking you up, after all. And no matter how many times I told you differently you still insisted. You just have this natural feeling everything bad that happens is your fault. You had the nightmares almost every night, at first. They got less frequent but I think they never really disappeared. Who is soothing you after your nightmares now? Is it her that stays with you until you fall asleep?

'_Shhh, it's alright, I'm here now.'_

'_B-But he, he… why did he had to die? It's all my fault!'_

'_No, it's not. He wanted you to be save. Do you think it would made him happy seeing you so depressed and full of remorse?'_

'_I don't know, Kaoru.'_

'_I'm sure he'd be happy to see you so successful with your sword training and maybe he is because he may be looking down at you from heaven right now.' _

'_Thank you, you always manage to make me smile.'_

'_That's what best friends are for!'_

When did I fall in love with you? I don't know. Maybe you really had me from 'hello'. It was just the question of time when I realized it. I think that happened only a few months before she came.

'_Kenshin, there is going to be a school dance on Friday. Whom will you go with?'_

'_I haven't asked anyone. Would you go with me?'_

'_Sure. Sano actually asked me but I said no. I think he only wants to make Megumi jealous.'_

'_When will those two finally stop arguing and actually start dating?'_

'_Never!'_

Now I remember it clearly. It was right on that dance. I mean, sure, we've danced together before, but that time it was different. Being so close to you, inhaling your cologne… Do you still use the same? The one that smell like sandalwood and deep green forests? What I wanted to say is that it made me realize I wanted you more than just a friend. I wanted to be with you, to go through live with you.

On that evening, after I drank something alcoholic – I swear, someone had to mix me something in the drink! – and we were dancing on a slow song, I kissed you. It was so nice to feel your soft lips against mine, erase that, it was heavenly. You must've also drunk something because you responded to my kiss. The kiss became even passionate and our tongues were battling each other softly but I had to stop it. I didn't want to do something I would regret later. I didn't want to ruin our friendship.

You didn't remember anything next morning. Or are you such a good player? Nothing changed between us and a part of me was relieved but the other part was craving for you to find out, to give me an answer.

'_Do you think I should call her?'_

'_Huh? Call who?'_

'_Her. You know, the one I've been telling you about.'_

'_Why would you call her?'_

'_To ask her out, silly!'_

'_Oh, sure. I mean, I think she'll say yes.'_

'_Really?'_

'_Whoever would say no to you?'_

'_Nobody. That is except you.'_

'_Right, except me.'_

It hurt like hell. After a week she already had your attention. All of it. Why hadn't you ever considered me as your girlfriend? Why haven't you realized I wouldn't say no to you? I would do anything for you. Anything and everything. Soon you started going out regularly. You still spend some time with me, for you it was – again - as if nothing changed. I was your best friend and she was your girlfriend.

'_Kaoru, this is Tomoe, my girlfriend. Tomoe, meet Kaoru, my best friend.'_

It would've been almost ironical, if it had hurt so much. Can you imagine? I've just realized how much I love you and you were presenting me your girlfriend. If it would've been anyone else I might've hoped for your relationship to end soon. But not you.

'_So many girls asked you out? Why don't you go out with one?'_

'_I'm haven't fallen in love yet.'_

'_But you don't have to be in love! You could just go out for fun.'_

'_That could break the girl's heart. I won't go on a date with anyone unless I'm in love.'_

'_I guess it's better this way.'_

If only would you look at me with that special shine your eyes have every time you look at her! If only you would ever speak about me with the enthusiasm and love with which you speak about her. I knew you love her the second you spoke about her or looked at her. Because the shine in your eyes and the tone of your voice… it's the same I have whenever I look at you or speak about you.

Why haven't I fought for your love? I confessed my love and gave you the right to decide. And you did. Why couldn't you be selfish for once in your life? Thinking that it would lessen my pain you started avoiding me, broke our bond.

That was six years ago. Since then I haven't seen you or talked to you. You and Tomoe got married four years ago. Yes, I received your invitation. I decided not to go because I don't think I could've controlled myself. I'm sure you wouldn't appreciate a scene on your wedding, would you? I heard from Sano that you have a baby girl. I wonder what is she like? She must be beautiful, that is for sure. Does she posses the grace of her mother and the heart of her father? Are her eyes deep amethysts as yours or are they dark chocolate like hers? And her hair is it raven or flaming red?

There is another confession for me to make. Every single day, every single minute of the day I regret one thing. I regret that I told you about my love. Now I'm a stranger to you and that hurts more than living with one-sided love.

Years ago I was happy when you were, I was sad when you were, I drank from your smile and drowned in your tears.

Now I don't know you anymore and you don't know me.

Years ago I was at least close to you.

'_Kenshin, I have to tell you something.'_

'_What is it?'_

'_I-I don't know how to say it.'_

'_I'm not going to bite, you know.'_

'_I love you.'_

'_I love you too, you're my best friend.'_

'_I know, but I love you more than that.'_

'…'

'_Could you ever love me?'_

'_I'm sorry, Kaoru, I really am.'_

'_Don't be.'_

* * *

Kenshin

'_Do you remember what happened last night?'_

'_No, do you?'_

'_Me neither. The last thing I know is that we danced together.'_

I lied. Of course I remember. How could I ever forget the feel of your cherry lips against mine? In that night I realized I feel something more. I didn't know if it was lust or love. Now I know. I met Tomoe when I was the most confused and she was like a shelter to save me from my hurricane of feelings towards you. And then I fell in love with her. Is it possible for a man to love two women equally?

However, I pushed my love for you away, trying to forget it and started dating Tomoe. Do you think I didn't notice the hurt in your eyes every time you looked at her? Then it was obvious to me that you also loved me. I realized it too late.

'_I'm sorry, Kaoru, I really am.'_

'_Don't be.'_

You said I shouldn't be sorry. But I am. I am sorry because I can't be with you, because of the lost chance for you and me. In the moment you confessed to me, I was deciding between you and Tomoe and I decided for her. That doesn't mean I love you any less. I chose her because you are stronger. I knew you could survive while it would break her.

And then I did the most selfish thing I could do. I broke every contact with you. I did so because I was afraid I would cheat on Tomoe and you maybe wouldn't stop me.

I miss you, Kaoru. If I could, I would go back in time when it was just you and I. And I would tell you that I love you right after that dance. And then at least we would have a chance.

But life goes on and there is no going back. I hope that you will find a man who will love the way you deserve. And you deserve only the best. Be happy, Kaoru.

* * *

**A/N: Here it is. Till this point the story was mine, now I give it to you, dear readers. Imagine what happen, let your imagination flow… Whatever. **

**Review!**

**Love you all**

**Dreycy-chan**


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